IdeaJones

Tag: #ideajones

  • (“Don’t) Hold My Hand

    We should have been doing this all along. Stuff comes through all the time, flu, stomach collywobblers, root rot. Wash your hands for at least 20 seconds. Two times through “Happy Birthday To You” will do it, but I feel silly wishing myself a happy birthday many times a day, every day, all year ’round. So here are some alternatives you can sing (even just to yourself) that seem on-theme:

    “Hold My Hand” by Hootie & The Blowfish

    ‘Cause I got a hand for you. (I got a hand for you).

    ‘Cause I wanna run with you. (Won’t you let me run with you)?

    Hold my hand. (Want you to hold my hand).

    Hold my hand. (I’ll take you to a place where you can be)

    Hold my hand (Anything you wanna be because)

    I wanna love you the best that, the best that I can

    “ I Want To Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles

    Oh yeah, I tell you somethin’ I think you’ll understand.

    When I say that somethin’ – I wanna hold your hand!

    I wanna hold your hand.

    I wanna hold your hand.

    Oh please, say to me, you’ll let me be your man.

    And please say to me, you’ll let me hold your hand!

    I wanna hold your hand.

    I wanna hold your hand.

    “U Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer

    My, my, my, my music hits me so hard,
    Makes me say, “Oh my Lord,
    Thank you for blessing me
    With a mind to rhyme and two hype feet.”

    It feels good, when you know you’re down
    A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown
    And I’m known as such
    And this is a beat, uh, you can’t touch.

    (Feel free to add “U can’t touch this!” a couple of times).

    “Get Back” by The Beatles

    Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner,
    But he knew it couldn’t last.
    Jojo left his home in Tuscon, Arizona,
    Bought some California grass.

    Get back, get back,
    Get back to where you once belonged.
    Get back, get back,
    Get back to where you once belonged.

    Get back, Jojo!

    “I Touch Myself” by Divinyls

    I love myself, I want you to love me
    When I feel down, I want you above me
    I search myself, I want you to find me
    I forget myself, I want you to remind me

    I don’t want anybody else
    When I think about you, I touch myself
    Ooh, I don’t want anybody else
    Oh no, oh no, oh no.

    “Nasty” by Janet Jackson

    I don’t like no nasty car, I don’t like a nasty food, huh.
    Ooh ooh yeah.
    The only nasty thing I like is a nasty groove, huh.
    Will this one do?
    Uh huh, I know.

    Sing. Nasty

  • #QueryRoad

    #QueryRoad

    The query letter has to be as good as the book. Maybe better.


    “Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book? It took me years to write. Will you take a look?” — The Beatles

    Something I’ve learned while searching for an agent: writing the book may be the easy part. Here I thought all that time spent mumbling to myself, scratching notes on diner napkins, and otherwise trying to put together one really good sentence, then another, and stack them together into something worth paying to read was the heavy lifting. Editing, polishing, polishing again… that had to be the hard part. I didn’t expect finding an agent and selling a book to be easy, but I didn’t expect it to be the start of a secondary writing career, either.

    I didn’t know how many documents have to march in front of an unpublished book, carrying the banner and blowing trumpets. Loglines. Synopses. And, oh God, Query Letters.

    Looking back, my first query letter, as artist Berke Breathed put it, “wasn’t that bad, but Lord, it wasn’t good.” Each form of writing has its own sales style. I could, and had, write a successful pitch to land a freelance assignment, but writing a query letter for my novel that way left it as dry as a cracker.Plus, I’d gotten to the point where I was getting assignments through other editors or producers who had recommended me, so I wasn’t pitching often.

    In Girl Scouts, I was the kid who towed the wagon full of cookie boxes if the other girl would ring the doorbell and talk to people. I’m a major introvert. My pitch skills were near zero.

    So I did the research. If you’re trying this, seriously, do your homework. It’s fine to ask other people what they think, but also read articles on reputable writer sites (like Writer’s Digest, and literary agent blogs). I did, and here are some of the tips that come up repeatedly (in no particular order):

    1. Be brief. A query letter is supposed to be a single page.
    2. Include the name of your book, genre and approximate word count. Target audience, too (and do NOT, whatever you do, say, “This book would be popular with everyone!” Nothing is popular with everyone. Who, really, is probably going to enjoy this book?).
    3. Include qualifications (both to write this book, and as a professional writer), if you have them. Placed (or won) any writing competitions? Participated in writing workshops or taken classes? Been published (for example, if, like me, you’ve had articles, etc. published)? How do you know about this subject (especially important for nonfiction books)? If you haven’t had anything published, then you haven’t, but if you have, the bio paragraph is your chance to say so.
    4. Describe your book in a paragraph:
      1. Protagonist/antagonist
      2. Conflict
      3. Stakes (What does your protagonist need? What threatens him/her getting it?)
      4. Some idea of why this book would be interesting for a reader
    5. In your bio, if you belong to writing groups/associations, mention it.
    6. Address the letter to the agent by name AND DOUBLE-CHECK THE SPELLING
    7. Contact info
    8. Comparable books in your genre. People like something that is a twist on something familiar — the actually completely unfamiliar is something most people won’t risk their careers/income on, and you’re asking an agent to do just that. Show that you’ve given this some thought. Best if your comps are fairly recent and fairly successful. Comparing your car to a 1970s Gremlin isn’t likely to sell it
    9. Platform (social media) if you have one. Twitter handle, Facebook, etc. Keep in mind the agent, if interested, will likely check you out on social media, so watch the posts of half-naked pictures of you passed out, drunk. You don’t have to wear a muzzle, just, y’know, be aware that the most important word in “social media” is SOCIAL. All kinds of people see it.

    Craft your query letter with as much attention as you spent to craft your book. It’s your sales rep, knocking on doors and pitching you and your book as something every good agent needs!

    While crafting your query letter, logline and synopsis, craft a rejection strategy, because you are, at the start or at some point, going to get rejected. Comes with the territory. If Kathryn Stockett, Stephen King, JK Rowling and even Dr. Seuss got rejections, you and I probably will as well. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Some successful authors were rejected over a hundred times before getting a break. My personal routine is: 2 minutes to be disappointed, chocolate, exercise, pet my dogs, send out a query letter for each rejection. Sometimes more.

    Good luck! Hope to meet you on the bestseller list some day!


  • Shoebox Writing

    “You must keep sending work out; you must never let a manuscript do nothing but eat its head off in a drawer. You send that work out again and again, while you’re working on another one. If you have talent, you will receive some measure of success – but only if you persist.” – Isaac Asimov

    To me, there are two main sorts of writers. Shoebox Writers write, but never show it to anyone. Authors write, send it out, get it back (more often than not), polish, send it out again. They just keep sending it out.

    No shame in being a Shoebox Writer. It doesn’t make you less of a writer if nobody sees it but you. If you enjoy it, it’s a respectable way to spend your free time and less messy than a lot of things people do for recreation.

    But if you want to be published, you’re going to have to get it out there. Some people will not get it. Some will not like it. A few will hate it. But the equations also work the other way. Some will get it. Some will like it. A few will love it. If you have any talent, you find your tribe.

    One rejection, even a hundred, isn’t a statistically representative sample, so don’t get a few rejections and quit. Not if this is important to you.

    If you do get a lot of rejections, look to see if any of them contain some useful feedback. “I didn’t like it” is not useful. Some will attempt to salve their own feeling of inadequacy by trashing you and what you do (ignore them — they’re jerks). But some people will, in the spirit of helping you attempt to climb your mountain, offer you considered, thoughtful feedback. And others will get it, and like it. If they get a chance to see it.

    Think of it as diamonds lost in a dumpster. It’s your job to put on your gloves and find them. Get your stuff out there so that people who will like it get the chance. Thank the people who offer constructive criticism, and those who offer encouragement and support. There’s no getting just one side of that coin. No way to find your tribe without getting negative feedback.

    If you can’t, if you just can’t bear negative feedback and it’s just to painful to hear that someone doesn’t love your baby as much as you do, be a happy Shoebox Writer. Write as your hobby, because you love it.

    As Mark reminds me, “There’s nothing that 100% of people love.” There are popular books I didn’t enjoy, not for any reason that has to do with quality. They just didn’t reach me. They aren’t talking to me, and that’s okay — not everything has to be for me.

    But some things are for me. And there are people who get my writing and like it. A few who love it. I’m searching for more. Hoping one is an agent. But meantime, my gloves are on and I’m searching.