IdeaJones

Tag: coronavirus

  • Peeing In Humanity’s Pool

    Peeing In Humanity’s Pool

    It’s not politics. It’s good manners (and being a good person).

    Etiquette has always interested me. I noticed as a little kid that there were different rules for different people and situations. Mom pointed out early on that we don’t speak the same way to the minister as we do to friends on the playground. Twirling so your dress flies up and your underwear shows is okay at a dance, but a bad idea at the office.

    The etiquette evolving for this time of pandemic interests me. On a purely emotional level, it’s an unpleasant surprise to see how many people think not wearing a mask or distancing is some sort of statement promoting some “cause,” as opposed to simply being a practical thing recommended by experts in medicine, science and public health to slow down the spread of a very contagious new disease.

    I suspect many of them are simply terrified. Human beings don’t make our best decisions when we’re scared. The brain stops accepting any new input that’s complicated and we don’t have processing power or time to untangle anything confusing. It’s easier for some people to respond to fear by refusing to believe anything is wrong, because admitting what’s going on means accepting a certain amount of powerlessness.

    Why not do the things we know help, like staying home as much as we can until a safe, effective vaccine is available? Why refuse to distance, or wear masks? Those give us what power we have in this situation, so why give them up?

    In part, because it’s quickly become part of a person’s identity. Meaning has been attached to taking those steps. They’ve gone from being sensible precautions to personal statements. But in that process, I think some people are mistaking the statements they’re making.

    Yes, liberty is important. Freedom is crucial. But they don’t come without cost. We live in a society with other people. The basic deal is that it’s understood we will cooperate for the good of us all. I’m free to drive a car, but not into your living room. I have to take a test, get a license, and obey traffic laws — and I have the right to expect that you will, too. My stopping at a red light protects other drivers (and me). Them stopping protects me (and them). We protect each other.

    It’s the liberty bargain. I’m free to exercise by throwing punches — but not at your face. Your face has the right to be unpunched by me. My rights aren’t the only ones that matter. Yours matter, too. You have a right for me not to casually risk exposing you to a potentially deadly disease.

    If the only thing masks and distancing accomplished was making some people feel safer during this chaotic time, they’d still be worth wearing. It’s good manners. It’s kind. It’s caring. And if people feel safe, if they see you doing your part to help, they’re more likely to feel safe enough to come out and spend money.

    When someone wears a mask or distances during a global pandemic, it’s not a political statement. The statement being made is that this person thinks other people matter enough to protect or comfort them — their own family, friends, neighbors and coworkers, that exhausted nurse or doctor who’s been tending coronavirus patients (and watching people die when they couldn’t be saved), that researcher getting close to finding a vaccine to protect people, that truck driver or grocery clerk risking health and life to keep the groceries coming.

    It’s not a flag. It’s not a magic amulet (you have to wear them correctly for them to work — just having one on your person doesn’t protect anyone).

    It’s your way of saying whether you’re mature enough to understand that freedom comes with responsibility, kind enough to help other people feel a bit safer in trying times, smart enough to understand that not doing it makes us lock down longer and likely will get us locked down again. You’re willing to do your own bit to help get your community, your country, and your world through the biggest challenge we’re all likely to face in our lifetimes.

    So make your statement — but make sure you know what statement you’re really making.

  • #QuarantineLife: Your Next Adventure

    A lesson (so to speak) in hope.

    A therapist told me once that one of the most important things in life was to have something, even a small thing, to look forward to. In times of crisis, when it seems all of life is about the now & the immediate future, it can seem endless unless you can find something to look forward to in the future.

    Right now, I can’t leave this room, and my husband can’t leave our house (except to pick up groceries through a contact-free option at our grocer’s). Every day we wonder “what next?,” with a feeling of dread. That’s no way to live.

    One day, this will be over and it will be okay to go places and see friends again. Why not look forward and think about where we’d like to go when we can? Even a short road trip will feel like an adventure. I’m looking around our state and identifying places I’d like to visit, things I’ve either always meant to do or that sound good.

    I’m not sure when we’ll be able to go, but even planning the trip makes me look forward in a way that says “There will be a future and we’ll be in it.” Planning is a hopeful exercise. This can also be a project for homeschooling — more on that on our #AskATutor page.

  • Isolated Thoughts: Am I Quarantined, Isolated, or What?!?

    I just got the news from the doctor that I can come out of isolation in two weeks, so long as things continue to improve as they are. This is big news for me! I’ve been stuck in one room, nobody in or out, for 2 weeks now. Mark brings me meals & goes away while I retrieve my dishes. I put out the dirty dishes and shut the door so he can retrieve them. We see each other only on videochat. I watch my dogs play fetch with Mark via his phone.

    This would have been so much worse in the pre-internet age!

    Meantime, I see people talking about being in isolation, quarantine, etc. Our language is struggling to figure out how to talk about what we’re (those of us with any functioning brain cells and moral compasses, anyway) are doing right now. This is an historic moment. Millions of people are asked to only leave their homes for essential reasons, like getting food, in order to slow the transmission of a disease you can have and transmit without even knowing you have it. If you’re still unclear on WHY we’re all doing this, that’s the reason. You could kill people and never even know it. By the time you feel sick, it’s too late.

    The definitions of Isolation and Quarantine above are from the CDC. When I was told to go into isolation two weeks ago, they let me know this was “official” isolation. As they explained, “Isolation and Quarantine are actual, official, definite things.” I was to separate myself from my husband even without our home and stay in one room, no one in or out, until told I could leave.

    Mark was “quarantined.” My symptoms are consistent with #Covid19, so on advice of medical professionals, he has to be kept from contact with others while we determine if he has contracted it. We were quarantined before people in the U.S. were being told to stay home, and we’re lucky Mark was able to start working from home. We’re both quarantined but I’m also in isolation.

    What most people are being asked to do comes closest to “shelter in place,” where you’re asked (or told) to stay in one place. Instead of trapping people at work indefinitely, they told people to go home and stay there. “Self-quarantine,” where it’s a preventative measure you’re taking on your own, or “self-isolation,” which would be you isolating yourself by choice, would also fit, but “shelter in place” seems to cover all of the things being done by government recommendation or your own choice.

    To those who are, who are trying to deal with this major interruption in their lives, the inconveniences, the fear, frustration and possibly boredom that come with suddenly living a very small life in a very big world, thank you. You’re protecting your herd like a superhero. There are kids who will grow up, parents who will get to raise their children, grandparents who will hold their grandchildren and many, many other people, some you know and many you don’t, who will get those chances because you stepped up to the plate when the crisis came.

    This is to reduce spread of the disease and it’s a reasonable thing to ask from all of us who can. It’s too late to become a medical professional if you aren’t one already. So do what you can to help them, whether it’s self-isolate, self-quarantine, shelter in place or whatever — stay home.

  • Isolation Update: Social Norms for Social Animals

    Hi, there (wherever “there” is). First off, update from isolation. Almost at the end of week 2 in this room. I’ve been asked how I’m doing after two weeks alone in a room I can’t leave, and I think I’m frabjous. Do you find crumpets in your hair? The unicorn says they’re nice. No, really, I’m okay. My symptoms are actually slightly better today, and I’m holding on.

    Perhaps a wee bit more cynical. Well, maybe not. My theory is to expect the best of humans individually and less as they gather in bigger groups. Mob mentality is a thing. Watching those yokels go on about how they’re out partying when they could be home saving lives was galling at first, then I remembered how self-reinforcing groups are.

    If you’re in a big group (and I shuddered as I typed those words), whatever the group is doing feels “right” if you do it, too. We’re social animals. We’re not the descendants of those who went exploring and broke social norms. We’re the offspring of generations of people who said, ” You’re going over there? I’ll come with you!” So it requires real, conscious thought to question.

    Those Spring Breakers are idiots. No doubt about it. But they’re also doing what sheep, cows and humans do. Following their herd. It helps that their herd is doing something that sounds like more fun than the alternative. Humping each other randomly while getting as shit-faced (side note: many idioms sound different now. I hear “shit-faced” and my mind goes to “do they have toilet paper?) probably sounds much better than sitting in their rooms bingeing shows. Not to me. I’m an introvert and random humping doesn’t sound good to someone who won’t share a hairbrush with anyone but her husband. But to them.

    So what do we do about it? Appeals to reason do not work against emotional decisions. People like to believe they are logical and rational, but what we actually are is rationalizing. We make emotional choices and seek support to convince us we’ve made the right choice. That’s how the brain works.

    That’s where “social norms” come in. See, if enough of us share memes, make jokes, and make it clear over and over that staying home is what the herd is doing and expects, then followers (like those idiots who aren’t social distancing) feel pressure to join in, and fit in. There’s a tipping point where you reach enough people so that most people feel invisible, but powerful, pressure to be with the herd.

    Even if being with the herd means being alone.

    Hang in there, happy campers!

  • Update From The Rear Lines

    Isolation, week 2 underway. This isn’t “social isolation,” where you don’t go to movies or restaurants. I’m in isolation as in, “you live in this one room and don’t go out for any reason.” I can hear my husband making popcorn in the kitchen, on the other side of a wall, but other than video chats, we haven’t seen each other in two weeks.

    This is the disaster designed for introverts to shine, but nobody craves this much solitude. Still, I’m better off than an extrovert would be. And can you imagine going through this in the pre-internet age?

    This is Mother Nature’s big IQ test, and you really don’t want to be the person who flunks. So now we find out who’s really stupid and who isn’t. I’m not talking about people who are doing necessary things like keeping the supply chain of food and essentials going, or medical people. God bless you all.

    I’m talking about those nincompoops (oops — shouldn’t say “poop” during TP-pocalypse) who could stay home and help us all flatten the curve, but won’t. Every time I hear one say “I have to live my life!,” I think, “For a few weeks, dummy.” Why would you want to help Frankenvirus grow? You’re on the wrong side of history, sweetie, bless your little heart.

    The rest of us are busy being superheroes. The easiest superhero gig EVER. No costume to don, no cape to get in your way, just sit on the sofa and watch movies, or do calisthenics alone in your apartment. Wait for the Marvel movie starring Social Distance Defenders! Okay, it’s a boring-ass movie. Which is the point. We’re working towards the day when nothing much is going on. We’re all joining hands to save humanity by NOT joining hands. From at least six feet apart, and preferably more, we’re protecting ourselves, our loved ones, and our world.