{"id":2691,"date":"2023-12-28T14:33:38","date_gmt":"2023-12-28T22:33:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/?p=2691"},"modified":"2024-01-03T21:58:24","modified_gmt":"2024-01-04T05:58:24","slug":"the-stink-of-success","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/?p=2691","title":{"rendered":"The Stink of Success"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Cartoon<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

December, 2023<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Donny:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can\u2019t believe it\u2019s almost New Year\u2019s Eve already! This is when people say \u201ctime flies,\u201d but for one thing, time isn\u2019t flying. It\u2019s somehow both dragging like a snail going uphill through a molasses flood in the winter, and simply disappearing. It\u2019s weird how time seems to have changed since the start of the pandemic. Also, we seem to be stuck in amber, or a time warp, or something. Covid is still around, we\u2019re still worried about crazy people rioting\u2026 and another Presidential election cycle is underway.  Not that you ever stop campaigning. You spent most of your time as President either playing golf or appearing at rallies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, \u201cflies\u201d might be a sensitive word for you about now. Did you know that #TrumpStinks became the leading hashtag on social media for a while? Donny! You\u2019re #1! And #2, apparently. Sorry! It\u2019s just so hard not to make jokes. Word is you are, shall we say, inconsistent in the personal hygiene area.  No wonder Melania\u2019s been keeping her distance for a while. Donny, soap and water is a great aphrodisiac. Trust me on this. Better than money, even.  If you\u2019re throwing money at a woman and she\u2019s stuffing it up her nostrils, it\u2019s a sign. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m a little old to be making poop jokes, but here we are, Donny. You\u2019ve taken all of us in directions we never expected. It\u2019s my first letter in a long time , but here I am poking fun at your personal troubles.  I\u2019m sorry, Donny! And you have so many troubles, all those charges against you and multiple court cases pending. I know you\u2019ve been through a bunch of lawyers already (or a herd? What do lawyers come in, a pod, or something? How about \u201ca quarrel of lawyers?\u201d), but at least one should have told you that continuing to do a thing when you\u2019re already facing prison time for doing it is not the best legal strategy. It\u2019s like inviting the judge to watch you rob a bank.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I bet it\u2019s Rudy\u2019s idea. He used to be an attorney, right? He used to be your attorney, didn\u2019t he? Then he was his own attorney, and now he\u2019s not anybody\u2019s attorney at all. I mean, he may still technically be a lawyer \u2013 it\u2019s amazing what you have to do to actually get disbarred \u2013 but he\u2019s been suspended and I can\u2019t imagine anyone hiring him. And he sure needs to be hired by somebody. He owes those two election workers a pile of money. I read that he asked you for money. Did you give him some? I see where you\u2019re raising millions and millions. That is a surprise, Donny. Most people charged with all the stuff you are would have trouble getting a loan from their own mothers. But good for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Book Club has been reading the charges against you. We weren\u2019t sure whether to tackle the trials by how serious the charges were, or when they were likely to go to trial, or what. So many choices! Donny, I\u2019ll say it to anyone who criticizes you: you have been the biggest gift to literacy since Gutenberg invented movable type. All those books people have written about you, or for you, the impeachment hearing report, articles, court cases \u2013 Donny, a team of mountain climbers couldn\u2019t scale the Everest that is words about you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not to make light of the seriousness of the charges, Donny. You may prove to be the single biggest criminal ever to walk U.S. soil. And to think, you were President! You’re an inspiration to every young criminal. No U.S. President has ever even been suspected of the number of charges you\u2019re facing. Conspiracy to defraud the government (so basically the taxpayers), conspiracy to interfere with an election, racketeering, hiding confidential documents, falsifying business records\u2026 ninety-plus charges. Go ahead, Donny, make it an even hundred. At this point, you\u2019re so close anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How are you going to balance running for President again and being in court all of the time? At some point, they\u2019re going to expect you to show up. We looked it up, Donny, and you can\u2019t just not go. For some charges, you can be tried without being there, but it has to be by agreement and prosecutors are picky about that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I don\u2019t need to ask what your plans for 2024 are. Your calendar is full. Rallies, trials, looking for Melania, whatever nefarious plans you have going\u2026 I never thought about it before, but being a mega-villain has to be time consuming.  Is Mar-a-lago your lair? I\u2019ve never known anyone with a lair  before!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But seriously, Donny, take time to shower, on the regular. It\u2019s not good for your skin to skip it, and it might lure Melania out from her hiding place.  If you really want to rake in the cash, get a soap company to sponsor you. Shower with the stuff every day. Maybe twice a day. Years ago, you promised to drain the swamp, but from what I hear, you\u2019re pretty swampy. Maybe this, like charity, begins at home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And definitely take a nice, long shower before we meet for pancakes. We should do that soon. I wish I could be more encouraging about your future, Donny, but it\u2019s not looking good. There is some good news, though! I checked and they only say you get an opportunity to shower regularly in prison, not that you have to or how often \u201cregularly\u201d is. So there\u2019s that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Happy new year, Donny! Let me know if you find a soap sponsor. I even have a slogan you can use for free: \u201cClean up with Donald Trump!\u201d Just use it. When people talk about a \u201ccampaign trail,\u201d they don\u2019t mean skid marks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sincerely,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your Pen Pal<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

December, 2023 Dear Donny: I can\u2019t believe it\u2019s almost New Year\u2019s Eve already! This is when people say \u201ctime flies,\u201d but for one thing, time isn\u2019t flying. It\u2019s somehow both dragging like a snail going uphill through a molasses flood … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2692,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[686,205,1],"tags":[500,687,549,681,498,501,185,34],"class_list":["post-2691","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dear-donny","category-politics","category-uncategorized","tag-deardonny","tag-donaldtrump","tag-humor-2","tag-politics-2","tag-satire","tag-dear-donny","tag-donald-trump","tag-ideajones"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ideajones.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/2023-Dear-Donny-Stink-of-Success-Thumbnail-IdeaJones.png?fit=940%2C788&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2691","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2691"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2691\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2695,"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2691\/revisions\/2695"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2692"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideajones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}